I’m tired of fighting

Some days are shit. 

Some days I wish I didn’t have awareness of my health, my wellbeing, or my physical body. 

Some days I wish I could be less in-tune – ignore all the signs, and go about life as if none of it mattered. Be gloriously blind to the blindspots.

And act as if my body wasn’t going to war with another mysterious ailment. 

Today is one of those days. 

With yet another tricky-to-diagnose condition (I’ll get back to that another day) I feel exhausted. 

Defeated. 

Fed up. 

Over it. 

I’m learning to live with more compassion for myself on these days. (That’s an endless journey that gives the Land Before Time some competition.)

Plus, there’s one thing that sneaks into my mind that reminds me that today is just a day… 

Another day soon I’ll feel better. 

Feel more grateful to be in-tune. 

Feel more alive. More rested. More ready to take on the next day. 

Thankfully, none of my diagnoses have been life threatening or debilitating in a way that I can’t overcome. (For this I’m immensely grateful.)

I’m always tougher than I think. 

I’m always a better self-detective than I give myself credit for. 

Just call me the Pink Panther of my wellness. 

I’ll sleuth it out. Investigate the options. Research the sources. 

And find a way out. 

And then realize that how awful I felt was temporary, and partly due to what was going on inside. 

And then find my way to restore some balance in my life and body.

And then the best part – I’ll feel better.